What Happened To HandsomeHugs
Murder by Circumstance
For legal purposes: all actions within this article are alleged.
This is not a deep dive. This is a sequence of events simplified. The end result of this sequence of events is the possible and probable death of a human being. This is the direct result of the inculcation of anti-shipper ideologies in groups of individuals who struggle with severe mental health disabilities and likely personality disorders that affect their ability to understand, empathize with, or feel compassion toward other human beings. This is the indirect result of a severe lack of empathy among bystanders who did nothing to help or went out of their way to withhold understanding.
HandsomeHugs, AKA “Vee” or “Ang” was an artist who was originally active in anti-shipper spaces simply because those were the spaces that they were most welcome in at the time. As a former Cartoon Network animation worker, they were lauded among certain fandom groupings for their artwork and their proximity to having “made it” in the “industry.” In the early 2000s, finding out that Ang drew Invader Zim/Dib (Ship Name ZADR) ship art would have been a nothingburger of the highest order as DA was rife with ZADR and it was literally everywhere on GaiaOnline and Tumblr. As the moral panic of anti-shipper spaces spread, ZADR became something of a taboo.
But things were happening before the ZADR was discovered.
2017-2018: Ang had the misfortune of becoming mutuals on Tumblr with an artist named Holly Meadow Disch. Disch, the creator of the webcomic “Lemonhead and Lollipup,” cultivated a primarily one-sided and increasingly unsettling “friendship” with Ang, initially using the guise of sending them a get-well card in order to procure their address. Disch, vouched for by a mutual associate of theirs, ended up with Ang’s personal information from their facebook connection and from there the “friendship” became, according to Ang, “intense,” including mountains of gifts, constant social media posts to or about Ang, leading them to politely confront her several times about boundaries. Ang, with their physical health deteriorating, was overwhelmed and became increasingly anxious about what Disch’s intentions were for them, why all these gifts were arriving at their doorstep, and what in the world Disch would want in turn (if anything). It turns out: there was something Disch wanted…and when she didn’t get it, and Ang became less available online for everyone (not just her), that was her breaking point. It would take several years before Ang would hear from Disch again.
2019: An already-unstable anti-shipper friend group consisting of Twitter user jeraspat/jeraspaint (Jera) and a few of their friends (main players Max, Taylor, Colin, and Zaria) provided Ang with a place to rest for a little while in a time of emotional isolation, providing a much-needed bit of “normal” social contact when Ang was feeling mentally and emotionally vulnerable. This unstable dynamic, teetering on the edge of implosion, started to make its inevitable tumble and Ang ended up in the middle of it all. Despite not having any skin in the game, wisely determining that this anti-shipper grouping was not actually providing any benefit to their mental health, and subsequently leaving, Ang was cast as the great villain who somehow single-handedly “destroyed” a group that was already volatile and on the verge of collapse. A vendetta was born.
Though Ang’s contact with these people was then limited, Jera would be the first to openly write call-outs for the shipping of ZADR. As an aside, to be completely clear, this is about hurt feelings and naked drawings of a green alien boy and a human boy. Jera, whose display name on Twitter at the time was “GIR! Fetch me my list of SLURS!” even mentioned that ZADR was not even that big of a deal to them before Ang’s involvement in drawing it with the tweet: “rude> shoutout to z4dR to going from ‘this ship kinda sucks but whatever, its mostly baby teenagers into it’ to ‘my rage spikes every single time its inflicted on me’ within the span of like. a month.” [sic] Their conviction that Ang was to blame for their already-unstable friend group’s implosion was the clear motivator for every subsequent and escalated call-out. Aided by Taylor (author of such gems as “ang i will actually piss on you” [sic]), Jera began a continuous and escalating, years-long campaign of casting Ang as a “freak,” a “liar,” and a “pedophile,” while spreading false narratives about Ang not only to the public but also to Ang’s alleged friends who apparently had such little attachment to Ang as to immediately believe everything at face value rather than reach out.
Coinciding with all this, Ang was treated as though the shipping of ZADR and the creation of “problematic” art was akin to a moral failure in language that very closely resembled the cliches of evangelicals. The friend group’s Zaria and another player that has not yet been discussed, truebuggy (Real Name: Jay Goldstein), state toward Ang that their own actions were going to lead them down a path that would harm them, ignoring that it was not art that harmed Ang but the actions and words of those who reacted to that art and, if being honest, not even the art itself, but a half-baked scapegoating based on the hurt feelings of an imploded friend group (that further split later on after Ang’s time there due to the very nature of anti-shipper spaces and the questionable actions of Jera in regards to Colin toward which they allegedly acted inappropriately according to Max [you got all that?]). The self-victimization of those who were exposed to Ang’s art and their inability to handle that as a personal problem rather than Ang’s problem led them toward some extremely questionable statements that make no sense to those who have never existed within anti spaces. Their finding out that Ang created ship art included things like “I’ve felt kinda betrayed over it.” [sic] and “You must have known this would upset me, and I know you cant expect me to accept it.” [sic] while going on to claim that they don’t want Ang hurt “going down this path” while studiously avoiding the true source of that “hurt.” Ang’s characterization of Jay’s statements are detailed in their Google Doc statement: “It’s more like ‘I’m worried about what I will have to do to you if you keep drawing art I don’t like.’” [sic] which is a sentiment ex-fundamental Christians will tell you is part and parcel of growing up in a cult.
More public call-outs occur from both Jera and Co. along with Twitter user toydrill (AKA Tai) whose call out results in a massive amount of hatred and death threats sent to Ang’s CuriousCat account and Twitter DMs. Toydrill claims to Ang that they did not mean for death threats to be sent but the call-out remained up and former associates of Ang smelled blood in the water and leapt to make themselves into victims (because “finding out your internet friend drew fake people naked” is apparently trauma of some kind). Ang was painted as an abuser despite no evidence of any abuse as people began to catastrophize their own circumstances, exemplified by Twitter user ArtistBlocky vague-tweeting: “Starting to realize I’ll never escape the pain that my ex-friend caused to me because of what they did to my friends. I’m scared.” [sic] Jera takes the opportunity to begin calling cartoon art “CSEM” (“Child Sexual Exploitation Material,” a term used exclusively and solely for illicit and illegal material created through the exploitation of real life children—not cartoons) in subsequent call-outs, characterizing Ang’s art as “degenerate” and Ang as a “pervert,” further cementing that this is firmly in the category of a calculated manipulation of a moral panic.
2021: Twitter user C0ntentW, self-identified as Holly Meadow Disch, begins posting call-outs, crafting half-truths along with bold-faced lies with statements like “There is a dangerous artist working int he animation industry,” claiming that Ang was a “pedophile” (does that word mean anything anymore?) and claimed that Ang had “connections with people at Disney,” and were “friends with a ton of people in the industry.” Disch, who had information about Ang from the past three years despite having had no contact, began collecting pornographic images that Ang had shared in their respective fandoms and sent them to Ang’s real life friends and coworkers, having collected all of this information after having weaseled her way into Ang’s personal life via facebook. Jay Goldstein (truebuggy), was an associate not only of Jera but of Disch as well, jumping on the bandwagon to claim that his attention to Disch’s call-out involved “EXTREME depictions of pedophilia” (but he was going to post that anyway??????????) and focused entirely on the fact that Ang had made “disgusting content,” claiming to have “cared about them” then going on to actively play a part in destroying their life by suggesting that Ang’s artwork (explicitly stated to be artwork that Ang created to explore complicated emotions about their own victimization) was a sign that they were on a path to become a real-life predator (statistically unlikely and improbable).
Disch, having contacted all of Ang’s past coworkers, friends, and employers, tagged Hazbin Hotel creator VivziePop, claiming that she had also confirmed that she had cut ties with Ang. Having no reason to disbelieve this and having found out these things in similar fashions otherwise, Ang believed this to be the truth, heartbroken that their one shot at doing clean-up work for Viv’s projects was over and done with before it had even begun. It was not an active job, it was a potential, and Disch had just destroyed it, the narrative reinforced when Ang was booted from the work server. With their belief that Viv truly had cut ties without telling them, they tweeted, “it’s 100% hypocritical because all the people who tried to get me fired for working under her hate her just as much and also call her a pedophile so ok.” [sic] Viv’s acting HR manager contacted Ang, their tone distinctly condescending as they scolded them for “spinning a narrative” and using Viv’s company as a “scapegoat,” a disturbing misunderstanding of circumstance and a logic-defying display of contempt considering Ang was right. Though the HR manager is correct when stating that it was not the company’s responsibility to “protect” Ang, the tone of their messages was inappropriate and care was not taken to understand the facts. In regards to Vivziepop herself, the same could be said, as antis across platforms took Viv’s rejection of Ang to mean that though Viv was, to them, a pedophile, this must have meant Ang was worse, further amplifying the narrative that they were somehow dangerous and undeserving of life.
After Ang having faced debilitating sickness, rape, and continuous harassment, Holly Meadow Disch wasn’t done being happy about driving another human being she had allegedly “cared for” to ruin. She posted celebratory statements on discord, claiming that those who did not comprehend her joy were “stupid” and implying via meme that she slept well knowing that she “ruined someone’s life” with the phrase “FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT, BITCH” in capital letters beneath. It begs the question: Fuck around? Fuck around with what? Ang still doesn’t understand, writing, “Holly did all of this because, what, I didn’t want to be her friend?” Was that really all it took? If there was more to it, no one has come forward with answers.
In a questionable move, Jay Goldstein claimed that they hadn’t known that Ang had “been thru some particularly horrible stuff recently” and that he “would not have made the thread” when he did. But the fact remains: Jay likely did know what had been happening to Ang. Having been in close proximity to those who were targeting Ang and actively celebrating the destruction of their mental and emotional health as a direct result of the targeted attacks on their life and livelihood, how would Jay have been ignorant of these aspects of Ang’s life that were very clearly and openly talked about by friends and enemies alike? Not only this, but if Jay truly believed that Ang was a dangerous predator, the timing of their post would not have made a difference. It was very likely that Jay knew that Ang was being set up and his actions came down to selfish grandstanding. An accomplice in a slow, steady murder.
If it couldn’t get any more obvious that Ang’s attackers were in the wrong, notorious and actually-dangerous anti-shipper and Twitter terrorist NightinGem (infamous for advocating for the “elimination” of people and content by any means necessary including direct violence) voiced support for Goldstein, claiming that he was the true victim of Ang rather than the other way around. Twitter user aquabiooms insisted that “anti-antis” (proshippers) should be made to “feel afraid and ashamed again” and implored others to “tell them they’re not welcome in lgbt safe spaces. fuck it, tell them they don’t get to be one of us PERIOD, because they are not.” [sic]
Ang’s condition is degenerative and they have not been able to access proper healthcare due to their inability to find work which is a direct result of the interference by Disch, Goldstein, and Kyle A. Carrozza (TVsKyle on Twitter) who privately DM’d the only nine connections Ang had in the industry to subtly warn them off of working with them again, effectively sealing Ang’s fate to what it is today. And what is it today? Well—it’s not good. Ang is, effectively, dying. This is not a hyperbole, much as we wish it were. Even if Ang was given a job right this second, it would be functionally impossible for them to work due to their untreated physical disability and their continuously degraded mental health. And even if they were able to work again, it would take decades for them to work off the amount of medical and other debt they’ve obtained from being sick without a stable support system to fall back on in times of need. All of that was taken away from them and these people and all those who enabled them through passive contempt or careless complicity are responsible for that and responsible for the inevitable end of a human life.
Humanity is fragile in more ways than one. Actions, small, large, or somewhere in between could mean life or death for someone else—are you prepared for what that means for you? Are you prepared to sacrifice your humanity for the sake of showboating your “morals”? What does that say about your morality?
In the next few months, it is expected that user naminepuppy, who has been helping in any way they can to manage Ang’s social media presence, is expected to announce that they’ve passed, having already taken over their Twitter account in order to square away any outstanding business. Though Puppy and I have had our differences in the past, I cannot help but be unendingly grateful that they have been there for Ang these past few months, and willing to take steps now to mitigate the tragedy of what is to come when it comes to Ang’s comfort.
What hurts the most is that it is too late. That there’s nothing to be done. That either a miracle will happen or the world will turn on as usual and soon there will be one less soul among us.
Ang didn’t deserve this. And all of them know it. Now you know it too.